Hubungan Terlarang

(Mati lah kalau dia baca! But no names mah?)
Mungkin juga saya cemburu tapi bukan itu sebab utamanya. I’ve been nonchalantly observing a certain male specimen. We’re working within close proximity. He’s the only single, off-age (read: much older) and said to be available (and obviously me too!). Now, bring on into the equation, other happily married female colleagues who feel strongly that we should belong together (or something like that). So, it came to my attention recently that there was a (already) botch-up plan for it to happen.
Seriously, I took some time to think about it and discussed with one (or two?) of them.
One, he didn’t go for Friday prayers some time ago due to fainting spells. Okeyyy…. but still can play tennis eh? (‘Pilihlah kerna agamanya’ is definitely out)
Two, nature of God’s creations are such that man has only one nafsu – that’s syahwat. While woman has lotsa nafsu(s) towards so many things – handbags, shoes, gold and diamond (yes! yes! For future investment..) jewellery, silk and satin blahblah etc. So, I think nothing of being a spinster aka andalusia for female but for unmarried male? How can they control their basic urge?
Exception to those who’re busy membesarkan adik2, frustrated, cinta berpatah arang and all that (before you start throwing rotten eggs to me for discriminating sexually).
You see, Malays have a saying for when a male person is widowed, “tanah kubur masih merah dah tak sabar nak menikah lagi!”
Or ‘bersalin tikar’ – si kakak meninggal, si adik jadi pengganti.

These are what I’ve not told them.
Latest observation – it was raining heavily. We’re in the parking area – I’d just arrived, closely following him so I parked right behind his car on the roadside. He got an undergrad driving for him due to his condition for quite some time already (and staying with him too). This person is always around. Nothing wrong with that right? Biasalah kawan sama2 makan, sama2 pergi tandas (like zaman sekolah dulu2 but I’m never like that). He even helped him with his coursework.
Back to the parking area. He came out from the passenger side with an umbrella. Went to the driver side, opened the door and while holding other things waited for him (that person drove with spek rayban okey – and it’s raining–bukan hujan panas tau) to come out. Awwww, is it sweeeeeeetttttttt???? Hatiku berdetik la jugak, “Jelesnya….”
Other observations – he borrowed something of mine, twice. On both occasions, he went travelling without that person. But there was potret pic of that person in a kinda dreamy pose (to me lah!) which is totally unrelated to the whole thing. I guess, he’s giving me a signal (thank you very much for that - I'm fine really..) that his ‘attention’ is elsewhere.

As for us being only friends – it’s kinda awkward for me and I need to keep a certain distance. You see, I personally help my eldest sis to deal with her ex-husband for years. Turun naik syariah court (standing guard and baby-sitting to say the least) to ask for fasakh – the ground for their marriage being dissolved was ‘hubungan mesra dengan lelaki lain’. Yes, exactly - the third party wasn’t another woman but a younger guy. It was very difficult to prove that.
To cut short the story, Aziz becomes Azie (I’ll never allow anyone to call me by this name ever again!) or Azizah (in written form). Since, they (sis and ex-hubby) have kids – it was really a messy affair. Usually the hadanah (hak penjagaan anak - not just parental visiting rights) is obvious - kids of certain age go to the mother while the father is commonly lepas tangan (how true!) and sibuk nak kawin lain. But in this case, we’ve 2 mothers fighting for their kids- imagine that! So, we’ve got scenes much like Cerekarama tv3 – bergaduh sampai guna cangkul pun ada (tarik rambut je takde)!

What we knew of him (the in-law lah):
According to mak – he’s the best SIL she ever had – mana nak dapat menantu yang sanggup buat kerja2 mop lantai, balik pasar malam bersih ikan dan udang etc. tanpa bersuruh? Malah, tak sempat2 suruh my sis mandi supaya boleh basuh semua baju kotor sekali. Wow-wow!
So what if he’s a bit on the ‘aww’ side. But then, he’s (still) a teacher in a religious school and wears kopiah most of the time (it was an arrange marriage by their usrah group – everybody tertipu! Nak buat lagu mana kan?)
Daripada zaman bujang lagi, dia dah jadi warden – asrama lelaki lah. Ada jugak kes pindah2 sekolah byk kali (education department’s solution of sweeping under the carpet)– we think nothing of it at that time.
According to my sis, he’s not like that all the time. Otherwise how could they managed to bring to this world 2 kids? So, there’re also occasions of happy marriage. On and off.
After (or during) the second pregnancy, he’d gone back to being his old ‘self’. This time through the internet (later after the divorce, a male neighbour told her about how he proudly share that info- what a bad thing Internet is! Very extensive gay-network) he got to know about this younger guy (who worked in nearby plant and also wear kopiah at all time– bad image for Islam!).
Their relationship IS such that he arranged for that guy’s marriage to a fresh graduate ustazah from Jordan – he’s the one who did everything coz the guy already sworn off his family (ada surat pengakuan sumpah – dunno what happen).
Funny thing (now on retrospect), right after the wedding ceremony in East Coast, he came back immediately that night with the guy – the new bride had to follow lah.
So, life went on (non so) great - Azizah travelled everyday to school with that guy’s wife. So gotta meet each other everyday….
There was a locked room in their house where the wife wasn’t supposed to clean or even open. They’ll go into that room when Azizah came to the house. No idea what’s goin’ on?

To cut short the story again – the younger guy divorced his wife (who is not stupid and she came to be on our side eventually and now happily re-married with own kids) and later Azizah arranged for another marriage for him. After his divorced from my sis, Azizah also get married again to an anak dara tua (that’s what (s)he called me too in retaliation). We heard of all kind of stories (what a small world it is!) –like when the kids go visiting (cannot help it coz we have no case against him) and they’ll come back with stories like they always went to night market and everywhere with that guy (instead of ibu baru), send him to work, how ayah ‘urut2’ (Eeeeewwwwwww!!!) that guy blahblah. The kids are innocence – klu depa tipu, maka saya pun tertipulah…The second marriage also berantakan, but some people do think that being a spinster or divorcee is much worst than being in a farce union of marriage so she just bear with it. Kata orang, baik berlaki dari jadi janda!

Moral of the story – I need a man – a real man to be my calon. (Obviously, I’m not looking for one in this blogland) I don’t wanna compete for his attention with another male!

That aside, I’ve been reading lotsa blog (Ops! Kantoi?), among others, of single and hebat guys who are gay (coming out of the closet). They’re from all walks of life, professionals – doctors, laywers etc. and non-professional (my ex-BIL tu got connection in Bkt Am*n, ntah2 berlakon bagai). Bukan macam pondan kat kampung dulu2 yang cuma jadi mak andam. At least, pak andam kat my kampung pun dah kawin dan ada anak. But these guys (who can easily have their pick of the most beautiful ladies) choose to partner among themselves. I don’t wanna think what goes behind close doors. (There’re more to the above stories which I couldn’t disclosed for the ‘jijikness’ of it.)

How does one being a Muslim deals with this? At least, a khunsa, a person with both genitalia, get to choose to be either one but not both. So sexual change operation is valid in that case. But these guys who feel that they’re more on the feminine side emotionally? Or macho guys who like each other (lesbo pun banyak –bukan ‘ramai’ coz dah sama taraf dengan binatang)? Mintak dijauhkan Tuhan…ampun and bertaubatlah kita semua.
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So teacher how is ur life? Sudah married ke? U also should be happy with ur student success its all because of u and what u teach me. I really appreciate that.
Ya lah, I’m happily married 2 my thesis heheh. Its really tough goin rite now. A bf wil b a nice dversion. Hw abt u? U r stil young. Aiya, I feel so old oredi!
Everything is fine I’m still looking forward to achieve my goal. Ur age only getting old but not u. U r still my pretty teacher forever.
Aah, u say d sweetest thg! Tenkiu my dear – pray dat I’l survive dis difficult stage of my life. And u –njoy life 2 d fullest!
Ok anyway take care teacher hope to see u on my party (dad’s 50th birthday on August 11, 2007).
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Yes, I’m vain.

How else to explain the self-enforced ability to ingest strange concoctions (while trying very hard not to gag) or drink what-a-terrible-taste tea or take foul-smelling jamu-pills (at different stages lah – too lazy to exercise)? Easily bought the idea of tummy tuck-in through ‘Losyen Mustajab’? Heheh…there’s small picture on the label - of how you can go from convex to concave tummy in three easy steps! (Bohong belaka tu)
So far, the verdict goes – 1 vote for putting on weight (last month) while yesterday tallied at 2 votes for I’ve slimmed a bit (Heh!). The earlier vote came from a male colleague whom I could trust (he’s married and all that) and the later votes from girly friends – all were unsolicited responses. Or was it because of wearing kebaya (earlier – difficult to hide my tummy) versus safer kurung and kebarung? Hmmm, must fast more often lah sempena Rajab and Sya’ban.
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Typical Malay-man mentality...

Tak lamo laie, satu keto ‘abg za’ akan mulo kelihatan berado di laman rmh mak! Cubo toko keto sapo..
Ah beng? Takkan Ah lan or Ah nga. Ah chu jauh lg kot. Ah chee? Ganti van bchee?
Teka la lg..he he..
Dogheh la – ngado2 boto! Tk kan ah beng, dah dpek jua ko odisee?
Toko la lg. Jwpn anda mngukur sejauh mana persepsi kewangan adik bradik kita, ha ha ha..
Ah long dah tkle mandu, Ah zu dah byk keto. Tk kan Ah tei lak? Ckp la copek, tk leno tido kang!
Ah nga la tu. Dio yo yg ado duit solompuk, peh tu tiru abg –yela bini duo! Boto tak?
Jwpn sbnr dtgguhkan shgga ‘abg za’ smpai..he he
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On a serious note, progress is really slow - depa semua lari bila saya tanya...
Pasrah pada Yang Esa.