Only Death and Taxes are Certain (Part III)

Mak selalu bising (sambil tangan menepis2 cubaan ambil gamba curi) pasal, “Ekau ni tak sudah2 amik gamba…buek membazir yo.” But the thing is we never know right when the time comes for us to look back at that pix to remind us of a special someone (who is always in our heart such that a pix-memory isn’t enough- sometimes our poor mind can play tricks too), that special moment of full-loving feeling, …and so much more. So, excusez moi - I’m always snapping merrily everywhere I go – like even during the hospital visits in early last month. It never crossed my mind at that time I was gonna capture him in two-dimensional for the final time.

On the second day after the funeral, my sis who is busy with things around the house while I was busy ‘tinkering’ with a digicam & kids, suddenly dropped by my side & said, “Adik amik gamba aritu kan? Cuci boleh tak?”

So, there I went on the third day to the print shop (Er, the first time ever – for the digital print lah not the shop).

Due to the logistics (now that I am back at workplace), the pix ready & framed but still with me. She called last Sunday (stupid & how insensitive of me – I HAD to ask if she’s ok – initially she sound chirpy but the call end abruptly after she started to cry..). I thot maybe the children esp the youngest misses him so much…

After some coordination, here goes..

Sis#4: Kak4 dah bagi gambar kat Kak3. Dia amik, peluk gambar (close-up 5R) + nangis…
Rad: Alahai……
Sis#3: Walau mcm mana pun suami tu, bila dia dah tak ada, terasa rindu sangat..wlupun ada anak2, tp kerinduan dgn suami yg dah pergi selamanya, dahsyat dan kosong betul rasanya…
Rad: Huhuhu.. Mako eh lopeh ni konolah isteri2 hargai suami2 lobeh2 laie- layanan mau 1st cls! Kasi chan la nak bmanja selg hayat masih ado eh!

Things for me wajib to learn: How to uruskan (mandi&kapan) jenazah
Mak kecik hati coz during ayah’s time, he was ‘managed’ by others (bukan sebarang orang ye, ada jugak badi mayat kalau tak kena gayanya esp if lemah semangat) instead of his own flesh & blood. Esp part cuci kemaluan. Afdhalnya anak sendiri. I managed to convey it to my nephew. Alhamdulillah he (an only son, 17yo) did handle the responsibility so beautifully. From tahlil, mandi jenazah (under supervision of the elders), succintly asking for his forgiveness from the people present, even to the receiving end inside the liang lahad. InsyaAllah, anak yang soleh sebagai bekalan ke akhirat..

A reminder for you & me..

Death Comes in Three (Part II)

Money is everything but not everything can be monetarized

I dunno about non-Muslim pre-funeral rites, but for Muslims’ esp. at kampongs, it’s a common practice to have the classic glass-jug (plastic is a NO-NO) conveniently & strategically placed as the receptors of any cash given by the visitors (it’s sunnah Nabi to visit the grieving family of the deceased & esp. the jenazah/corpse). I guess the idea of giving cash donations here is more or less similar to the ‘salam berkaup’ (the art of shaking hands & at the same time pass along the money & shy2 cat gitu) during any wedding receptions – You know, you come & eat the nasi minyak, after which you find the bride’s or groom’s parents or it’s equivalent to salam & congratulate them before you excuse yourself from the majlis (apa lagi beb, perut sudah kenyang!). Nowadays, people tend to put the cash inside a small envelop, which chances are the leftover from last raya!

So, the main idea I guess is to share in the happiness (or sadness as appropriate) of the occasion. Of course, it goes without mentioning that the cash collected help the parties partially paid (if not making little tidy profit) the wedding costs of everything from catering to bunga telur, etc.

When it comes to the pre-funeral, there’re people who disagreed with the idea of putting the jug in place. Like my mak said out loud during my ayah’s time, “Den tak mintak duit orang do….”(insert long argument here & ‘makan hati kerna teguran’ by some) Yes, we don’t need the money (after we are all adults, no longer anak yatim) but people were at loss of what to do. After reciting the doa, tahlil & everything, meet the widow & kids to say condolences, it doesn’t feel right to leave just like that eh (coz takde makan2)? If they’re to salam & give the money into hand – it looks awkward at least, worst it can cause some discomfort to both parties! So, the jug does play a significant roles. (BTW, it’s a culture thing, not related to Islam at all) Even my coursemates/grad club at that time holds a collection on my behalf – I gave it to mak eventually.

During my BIL’s recent funeral, this small matter comes to the fore! There was a real drama taking places which last for days afterward.

A little bit of the background. My sis's side of the family is BIG, so does my BIL’s side of the family. We’re talking here about siblings, uncles & aunties, nephews & nieces etc. Of course la, everybody is concern about the family. After all my BIL wasn’t in salaried employment (ada kerja ada lah gaji), my sis is a fulltime housewife & they have 5 kids of which 4 are in schools & varsity. So while waiting for the relatives from as far as Kedah & Penang to arrive, subsequently the mandi jenazah and solat jenazah, people came visiting in droves, non-stops – from the neighbourhood, previous work places, relatives, schoolfriends, etc. From time to time, I helped to carry the jug inside to deposit the money in cash box & return outside with empty ones.

Important statement: Of course, we all know HARAM makan duit anak yatim.

Immediately after the burial, all close relatives gathered back at home. So there’s this one person, from my side of the family (but not mak ye), who made a BIG BLUNDER (but I’m sure her intention is GOOD) in front of the whole people present by saying:
“Ha, copek kiro duit tadi…berapo dapek eh? Haram kito makan duit anak2 yatim yo…..”
Gasp!!!

I wasn’t around when this thing happened but according to various first-hand reports that statement easily makes everyone’s hackle rise! Esp. the eldest daughter (1st year varsity). She’s so fire up & ready to run amok, only to be saved from doing so by the relatives from both sides of the family. According to her (post-interview later) it’s almost BLASPHEMOUS: she just got back from burying her father’s body (orang dulu2 kata tanah kubur masih merah) & now to think of money???!!!! And few people from BIL’s side of the family more than ‘terasa hati’ too coz it’s like accusing them of THIEVERY (kalau takde angin masakan pokok bergoyang konon?)!!!

The timing didn’t help that it was after 2pm on a hot, hot day & most people already forgot what they have had for their last meals (hungry since breakfast was that long ago). Which explained my whereabouts- helping my other sister organized lunch for the whole big family. She already bought the required cooking stuffs in the early morning & asked the neighbours to cook at a nearby volunteer’s kitchen since it’s not proper to cook in the house while the jenazah was still around (adat or agama?). I wasn’t paying attention to everything that happened such that after everybody settled & the first lunch bite taken & then only I remember that I was fasting. Kira halal ye…

BTW, if you don’t have RM1500 at least (no jokes), forget about dying…that amount only covers the basic of lubang kubur, kain kapan & segala upah yang berkaitan.

P/s: Cuba kita fikirkan take-home lesson for today ok.

Total tally:-Death of my K.long’s mak aka Wan Pilah, Vic’s Uncle & BIL.

____
Dear Darling D,
I need to release 'everything' that boggle my mind here. Blogging is cheap therapy really. You should start worrying if I stop writing coz that basically means I'm not making progress on YOU!

Regards,
-rad-

Pillow Talk: Death (Part I)

Like I said somewhere earlier, from time to time (or more often than not) I’ll be sleeping at night (siang lain citer ah..) at either of Vic’s or B’s respective places. These are aside from the once-a-month-now weekend jaunts to my hometown and the occasional duty calls at any of my siblings’ places. I try to wake up very early in the morning everyday to concentrate upon the T *add your sniggers here*.

One fine morning (Tues, 4th) at Vic’s place, at the early hour of not yet 6am, she (supposedly asleep) went downstairs to get me – only to tell me that her uncle’s passed away. Some time previously, she had already told me that the uncle was involved in a motorcycle accident and broke an arm (or was it a leg?). Other than that, he seemed to be fine, thus the family at hometown tried to hide the whole incident from his youngest son who at that time was staying (& supposedly studying at college – another secret to keep!) with Vic. So Vic was in the know but her mouth was sealed. Lucky that a couple of days later when the situation changed for worst, the boy was somehow informed & he went back straight away to look after the father. Vic was kinda nervous, as she might be scolded by him due to the keeping secret business. Well, the boy kept his head on his shoulder; he understands after all & was there with the father towards the very end.

After she went back for the funeral, I was back at her place again (upon request). While getting ready to settle down for the night (lights off & in our respective beds you see), we discussed our recent ongoings. As I had just received a call from my sister about my BIL#3 who was discharged on Monday but needed to go to clinic again that very evening due to difficulty in breathing, I voiced out my concerns over his deteriorating condition. The doctor, who is also my sis’s friend, wouldn’t even want to accept payment for service rendered. According to her, she has had other patients in more or less the same condition who didn’t even make it back home alive since there’s nothing much can be done by the clinic (died on the way back home). Since BIL wasn’t willing to be admitted to the hospital again, all that she can advised the family was to call for an ambulance if the situation get worsen at night.

I remember, I told Vic that I had just visited him last Friday at the hospital. I watched for a while, how he tried to sleep comfortably while sitting down on a chair with his head on the bed. It seems that he had already some difficulty in breathing whenever he lay down on bed (& batuk2) but I was more concerned about his bandaged right feet. Our conversation then was kinda awkward since my sis wasn’t around & I was kinda scared of him (bit on the garang side normally). I asked him about when he will be discharged (he said right after another visit to the OT for major cleanups of the gaping wound which was healing nicely) & he asked me about ‘bila nak abis exam’ (which annoyed me of course, berapa kali nak terang daaa..). I left him with these parting words: “Ada nak apa2 lain tak?" The savoury bun was for him while the sweet ones for others.

I do remember asking my sis (the one who called): “Sis tengok Bang Z tu tadi camano? Raso eh lamo laie tak?” Ye lah, signs of death are always there staring at our face only that sometimes we’re too blind to see…(The early evening immediately before my ayah passed away, there’re three female neighbours aka The Angels who came visiting & insisted to my Ah Long who was getting ready to leave for work at that time, “Kau jangan biarkan ayah kau dah ni …” Their combined experience told them that the time has come…drooping nose, almost straighten (& cold) feets, unlooking eyes, skin color,….)

And Vic’s shared her experience (I asked lotsa question) regarding her Uncle’s ceremony. Burial or cremation (depend on local customs, not all Hindus were cremated). How important it was for the anak-cucus to be around for the final rites. Cannot be done by pregnant woman etc. Naturally our pillow talks moved on to topics like what happen to life after death according to Islam, for Hindus, whether I believe in reincarnation. (in fb application: I was previously Mar*lyn Monroe *gasp!* Thus that’s how we went to sleep that Wed (4th) night.

Early morning the next day (Thurs, 5th), history repeated itself. I woke up early, tried to do some work. Around 3am, incoming message from my nephew: ayah was warded again. I msged him asking for further updates. Less than an hour later, another message came in stating that he had already passed away. Thus, my turn to go upstairs & wake her up upon the news. It’s almost surreal. Masin mulut kata orang dulu2.

All the brouhaha over Father's Day..

...being over-commercialize on tv & print media.

How does it makes us -those without a father, whether he is 'away', resting under Allah's care or simply not known or separated since birth- feel?

I'm old so it doesn't matter much anyway to me but for my nephew & nieces? My sis called me again just now asking about photos of my BIL - dah print?

She said, the youngest one (4yo) is not letting her out of sight even inside the house while saying things like, "Mama jangan tinggalkan Izzati..."

When my sis cried during Yasin, she wiped away the tears while saying, "Mama jangan nangis. Ayah rehat dalam kubur. Nanti bila ayah balik lah..."

If only she understands...