Money is everything but not everything can be monetarized
I dunno about non-Muslim pre-funeral rites, but for Muslims’ esp. at kampongs, it’s a common practice to have the classic glass-jug (plastic is a NO-NO) conveniently & strategically placed as the receptors of any cash given by the visitors (it’s sunnah Nabi to visit the grieving family of the deceased & esp. the jenazah/corpse). I guess the idea of giving cash donations here is more or less similar to the ‘salam berkaup’ (the art of shaking hands & at the same time pass along the money & shy2 cat gitu) during any wedding receptions – You know, you come & eat the nasi minyak, after which you find the bride’s or groom’s parents or it’s equivalent to salam & congratulate them before you excuse yourself from the majlis (apa lagi beb, perut sudah kenyang!). Nowadays, people tend to put the cash inside a small envelop, which chances are the leftover from last raya!
So, the main idea I guess is to share in the happiness (or sadness as appropriate) of the occasion. Of course, it goes without mentioning that the cash collected help the parties partially paid (if not making little tidy profit) the wedding costs of everything from catering to bunga telur, etc.
When it comes to the pre-funeral, there’re people who disagreed with the idea of putting the jug in place. Like my mak said out loud during my ayah’s time, “Den tak mintak duit orang do….”(insert long argument here & ‘makan hati kerna teguran’ by some) Yes, we don’t need the money (after we are all adults, no longer anak yatim) but people were at loss of what to do. After reciting the doa, tahlil & everything, meet the widow & kids to say condolences, it doesn’t feel right to leave just like that eh (coz takde makan2)? If they’re to salam & give the money into hand – it looks awkward at least, worst it can cause some discomfort to both parties! So, the jug does play a significant roles. (BTW, it’s a culture thing, not related to Islam at all) Even my coursemates/grad club at that time holds a collection on my behalf – I gave it to mak eventually.
During my BIL’s recent funeral, this small matter comes to the fore! There was a real drama taking places which last for days afterward.
A little bit of the background. My sis's side of the family is BIG, so does my BIL’s side of the family. We’re talking here about siblings, uncles & aunties, nephews & nieces etc. Of course la, everybody is concern about the family. After all my BIL wasn’t in salaried employment (ada kerja ada lah gaji), my sis is a fulltime housewife & they have 5 kids of which 4 are in schools & varsity. So while waiting for the relatives from as far as Kedah & Penang to arrive, subsequently the mandi jenazah and solat jenazah, people came visiting in droves, non-stops – from the neighbourhood, previous work places, relatives, schoolfriends, etc. From time to time, I helped to carry the jug inside to deposit the money in cash box & return outside with empty ones.
Important statement: Of course, we all know HARAM makan duit anak yatim.
Immediately after the burial, all close relatives gathered back at home. So there’s this one person, from my side of the family (but not mak ye), who made a BIG BLUNDER (but I’m sure her intention is GOOD) in front of the whole people present by saying:
“Ha, copek kiro duit tadi…berapo dapek eh? Haram kito makan duit anak2 yatim yo…..”
Gasp!!!
I wasn’t around when this thing happened but according to various first-hand reports that statement easily makes everyone’s hackle rise! Esp. the eldest daughter (1st year varsity). She’s so fire up & ready to run amok, only to be saved from doing so by the relatives from both sides of the family. According to her (post-interview later) it’s almost BLASPHEMOUS: she just got back from burying her father’s body (orang dulu2 kata tanah kubur masih merah) & now to think of money???!!!! And few people from BIL’s side of the family more than ‘terasa hati’ too coz it’s like accusing them of THIEVERY (kalau takde angin masakan pokok bergoyang konon?)!!!
The timing didn’t help that it was after 2pm on a hot, hot day & most people already forgot what they have had for their last meals (hungry since breakfast was that long ago). Which explained my whereabouts- helping my other sister organized lunch for the whole big family. She already bought the required cooking stuffs in the early morning & asked the neighbours to cook at a nearby volunteer’s kitchen since it’s not proper to cook in the house while the jenazah was still around (adat or agama?). I wasn’t paying attention to everything that happened such that after everybody settled & the first lunch bite taken & then only I remember that I was fasting. Kira halal ye…
BTW, if you don’t have RM1500 at least (no jokes), forget about dying…that amount only covers the basic of lubang kubur, kain kapan & segala upah yang berkaitan.
P/s: Cuba kita fikirkan take-home lesson for today ok.
Total tally:-Death of my K.long’s mak aka Wan Pilah, Vic’s Uncle & BIL.
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Dear Darling D,
I need to release 'everything' that boggle my mind here. Blogging is cheap therapy really. You should start worrying if I stop writing coz that basically means I'm not making progress on YOU!
Regards,
-rad-
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